Henry's Birth Story

Henry made us wait a full year before surprising us with that elusive 2nd line on the dollar store pregnancy test. During that year, I sometimes felt impatient and anxious, but since then I have been grateful over and over again that a higher power intervened, and brought us our second child at the time we needed, not the one we wanted.

The nausea and fatigue were worse this time around. I wound up taking 1/2 a tab of Zofran most days to get me through the worst of it. At around 20 weeks I got back to my normal energy level, and breezed through the second half of the pregnancy with no complaints. I was able to keep active, and I felt great up until I injured myself a week before my due date trying to exercise like a normal person, instead of like a person with a ten pound bowling ball in their belly. I tried to ignore the pulled groin muscle and kept going for another week, which only made it worse, so I ended up spending my last week of pregnancy either lying down or walking at snail's pace with a slight limp. 

Even so, by the Sunday after my due date (5 days late and the day before my scheduled induction) I was out walking around the block and praying this baby would come on its own. I had never really planned on getting to my induction date; it was just a happy little date set for the most part because my mom was going to be in town and in my mind this baby was going to arrive 5 days late just like Lilly. I spent a lot of that day wondering if I should try to reschedule. Maybe my body wasn't ready? Maybe the baby wasn't ready? And could I still have the unmedicated birth I was hoping for with that dreaded pitocin running? This last concern dominated my thoughts. Delivering sans epidural was a plan that hadn't really entered my mind until the last couple months of pregnancy. The more I thought about it and talked to people who had delivered naturally, the more I thought I could do it and the more I wanted to experience childbirth for myself. I got advice from lots of friends, and I spent a couple mornings flipping through books at Barnes and Noble while Lilly played with the trains. I didn't tell a lot of people because I was having a hard time fully committing myself to the idea, but during my final weeks I decided to try my hardest to make it happen. I had a couple friends, not to mention my mother, who had delivered without an epidural while being induced, and they all made me feel like it was very doable. In the end, I made peace with the induction, packed my bags, and tried to get some sleep.

Drew and I arrived at the hospital at 6 a.m. Monday morning. I drove. It was weird to walk in to the hospital completely calm and pain-free. I got checked in, IV started, and the pitocin drip began running at 7 a.m. I told the nurses I wanted to try to go without the epidural, but that I would just see how things went. Being a cynical nurse myself, I knew that translated to "I'm going to get an epidural," and I was okay with them thinking that. The contractions started right away, but they weren't painful, just tight and frequent. I tried to find something to watch on t.v., then got up to a chair to use Drew's laptop. Drew went home around 8 to pick up my mom and Lilly so that they could have the car, and they all came in to visit for a little while just before 9. The pitocin drip was being increased gradually throughout that time, but I was still pretty comfortable. I just kept focusing on relaxing and letting the contractions do their job.

At 9 a.m. my awesome, super sweet OBGYN came to check me. The contractions felt like cramps at this point, and she said I was almost at a 4 and 80% effaced (I started around a 2). She broke my water at that point, and for some reason I was just really amazed by how warm it was. Drew says I mentioned it no less than 5 times. Then I started watching an episode of Project Runway on the laptop, and Drew started watching Breaking Bad on his phone, because we're awesome like that. Just before 10 the contractions were getting more distracting, and I pushed the computer away so I could focus more on breathing and relaxing. 

At 10 o'clock I had a really hard contraction, accompanied by a sudden and very strong urge to throw up and pass out, I did the former but not the latter. At this point I told Drew that maybe I did want an epidural. He was a good husband and ignored me. During the next couple contractions I regained my composure and realized I could in fact handle the pain, I had just been overwhelmed by the nausea and lightheadedness. By 10:20 I started squatting by the side of the bed during contractions and sort of rocking forward and back. I just kept focusing on relaxing and willing my cervix to open up. This was the point I got serious, and everything and everyone else sort of faded into the background. I remember the nurse trying to cover my back up with a sheet and thinking it was really silly because everyone was about to see everything anyway. It felt good to me to be almost doubled over during the contractions, and the fetal monitor didn't pick up the baby's heartbeat when I did that, so I agreed to an internal monitor. I had to get back in bed so she could place it, so we put the bed in chair position and I tried squatting at the foot or using the birthing bar which I didn't really like because I couldn't bend forward as much as I wanted. I also found it really helpful at this point to rub my thumb and forefinger on my leg or on the blanket, not sure why I started doing it, but it helped to have this other stimulus to distract my brain from the more painful message my pelvic area was sending.

At 10:45 the nurse placed the internal fetal monitor and gave me a 5 out of 10. I got back out of bed and into the bathroom at that point because every contraction made me feel like I needed to pee. I remember being in there for awhile and the contractions were really intense. I tried all the visualizations I could remember from blowing up balloons to floating in rainbow colored mist, and then I would try to count in my head and breathe and then when none of this was distracting enough, the contraction would start to wane.  I would stand up during these contractions and drop my head down so I was completely bent over, I think having my head down felt good because I was getting a little tired and lightheaded again. At this point I started to worry about how long I could keep going, but I also remembered from all the books I read that this feeling of wanting to give up meant I was almost done.

Then the nurse was asking me to get out of the bathroom so they could monitor me again, and I told her I thought I might need to have a bowel movement. Then her voice had just a hint of panic as she said, "They feel the same! Are you pushing?" I was convinced I wasn't, but headed back to bed. Another contraction hit and I squatted at the foot of the bed, and realized that bearing down a little actually did feel really good. I think Drew and the nurse were telling me to breathe and not push at this point, but it was all a blur. I got in bed and the nurse said I was at a 10. She called the doctor and the other nurses, and the next couple contractions were a crazy rush of action as the bed got set up and everyone kept telling me to breathe. I think I screamed a little at this point and held on to the bed rails as each contraction started, and then I would hear the nurse say "Breathe!" and I would obey. The doctor was there after another contraction or two, she had literally run from her building across the parking lot (for which I was very grateful). I was a little upset at this point that I was on my back, but once they brought my knees up and told me to push I realized that I had made it and I was just filled with relief and excitement and a whole slew of emotions.

Once I started pushing I didn't feel any more pain. All I felt was a lot of pressure and stretching. I was still in complete shock that I had made it to this point and that I was about to have a baby. Then I had a bunch of cheerleaders yelling, "Push!" and after a few hard pushes the head was out, and then another big push for the shoulders, and then they handed me a baby. My baby. I just remember feeling exhausted and very happy. After a few minutes, Drew cut the cord, the baby got checked out, the doctor delivered the placenta and sutured a small tear, and the nurses put the bed back together and got me cleaned up. Then all of a sudden they were all gone, everything was silent and still, and we were left alone, just Drew and Me and Henry.

. . .

Looking back I am so happy with the way everything worked out! I feel great, and I have had a very quick and easy recovery. The birthing experience was amazing and exhilarating and empowering. I had never felt strongly about natural childbirth or had any desire to prove myself. It was not something I honestly considered doing until very recently, and then for me it was more a matter of curiosity and practicality. I didn't go into it wanting to feel strong, but I do feel stronger because I did it! And I will definitely try for a natural delivery with my next child, mostly just so I can experience the pushing phase again. At the risk of sounding cheesy, it was the most transcendent and beautiful experience I have ever had. It made the pain of all the contractions that led up to it completely worth it. And since the labor went so quickly I actually remember thinking, "Is this it?! I thought it was supposed to be harder than this!" In the end, it just felt NATURAL, and like something anyone could do. Which it is! (Given the right circumstances, of course.) If you are considering it at all, DO IT! Of course, if you think an epidural is the best thing ever (I still remember loving my epidural when I had Lilly!) than do that. The end result is the same. :)